We can get bogged down with this feeling of you know what, if I'm not ranting and raving and I am on this defensive mode to just get my point across, nobody's gonna listen to me. Nobody's gonna take me seriously unless I am loud and forceful.
And then I realize that nobody is even listening to me when I am forceful. They're just ignoring me.
But you have this point you want to make. You have this big something that you want to share with the world, or with your kids, or with your partner. And you want them to get how important it is to you.
And sometimes we get defensive when we want to prove a point. Yet, defensiveness puts everybody in this fight mode. It just starts this whole banter: well if you're gonna be defensive, then I'm gonna be defensive. Then you get nowhere, and you're never seen or heard.
And it's frustrating.
Defensiveness is a form of protection. There is something going on inside you that you're a little bit fearful of. You may be fearful of being vulnerable. Maybe at some point in your life being vulnerable put you in a situation that just you really didn't like. Or, things didn't go your way when you seemed to be soft or open.
And it's tricky. So be kind to yourself. Sometimes when we're first opening up or we have something that's truly important to our heart, we do get defensive. It's so important to us and we want to protect it.
But it's actually in that vulnerability that you have that space that you can connect with somebody.
Defensiveness builds a wall. It's like you're yelling over a fence to try to make your point. Wouldn't it be great to be able to make your point face to face, heart to heart, without a barrier in the way?
So you can ease into a more vulnerable way of communicating by first just noticing the body sensations that go on when you feel defensive. See why it's there, see what it's trying to protect.
And if you want a safe place to feel seen and heard and work through situations like this, check out my Facebook group, The Nourishing Nook.